Friday, May 16

Wisdom of Marriage by Bawa Muhaiyadden

Marriage

Bismillahirahmaniraheem. In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Marriage PamphletMy brothers and sisters, al-hamdu lillah, all praise is to Allah. May Allah’s help be with you. May Allah bless you with His rahmat, His grace, the rahmat of His mubarakat, the blessings of the three worlds, the blessings of the wealth of His kingdom, and His qualities. May Allah give this to you in fullness along with ïman, absolute faith, and certitude. Just as He blessed Adam (A.S.), may He give you that rahmat; may He protect you just as He protected Adam (A.S.); may He bless you both and give you His grace. Although Adam (A.S.) and Eve (Ral.) were cast out of heaven, one into the east and the other into the west, they were brought back together as one; they were brought back together as one and made to multiply into the family of mankind.

Just as Allahu ta‘ala Nayan accepted them and brought them back into heaven and made them exalted again, may He do this also with your qalbs, hearts. Although Adam (A.S.) and Eve (Ral.) were separated by satan, they were brought back together as one through the love of Allah, and their love grew greater than before; may your love also grow as theirs did. Just as the dunya, the world, was cut away from them and they received the love and the heaven of Allah, may Allahu ta‘ala Nayan give you this with His rahmat. Amin.

Just as Allah protected Noah (A.S.) and that which was halal, permissible, for him, just as He placed him in the ocean and protected him, just as He protected him with unity, may Allah protect you and that which is halal for you in the ocean of maya, in the ocean of life, in the ocean of ignorance. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan protect you, may you live in unity, and may you never be separated by any suffering. Just as He protected Noah (A.S.), that which was halal for him, and his children from difficulty, may Allahu ta‘ala Nayan bring you together as one with His grace; may He make your hearts unshakable in both happiness and sadness. May He give you ïman and faith on the path of Allah. May He protect and bless you in the dunya and in the akhirah, this world and the hereafter. Amin. May He join you together. Amin.

Abraham (A.S.) was thrown into the pit of fire; just as Allah protected him and joined him with Sarah (Ral.), may Allah protect both of you from any suffering, from the fire of maya. Even though there might be suffering, may He join you together, qalb with qalb, heart with heart. Even though Abraham (A.S.) was subjected to suffering, pain, and torment in the time of Nimrod, he received the love and the rahmat of Allah; just as Sarah (Ral.) and Abraham (A.S.) were joined together by Him, may He join both of you and protect you from the suffering caused by the dunya, from the suffering caused by people, from the suffering caused by the nafs, base desires, and from any other suffering. Even if you are put into the fire of maya and burned there, may your love for and faith in Allahu ta‘ala Nayan and His compassion protect you so that you are not affected.

May He protect you from the fire of maya. May He protect you from the fire of the dunya. May He protect you from the fire of suffering. May He protect you from the fire of hunger. May He protect you from the fire of illness and old age. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan protect you from all similar fires so that they do not affect you. May He take you on the straight path; may He take your life on the straight path; may He take you on the straight path in akhirah. In the dunya, in happiness and in sadness, may you forbear, have patience, and give peace to each other, and reach the straight path. May Allahu ta‘ala keep you together in this world and the next, and in akhirah. May He give you long lives without any separation. May Allah help you. Amin. Just as Allahu ta‘ala Nayan asked Abraham (A.S.) to sacrifice his son Ishmael (A.S.), may any envy and jealousy in your qalbs be sacrificed. Because of the attachment Abraham (A.S.) had for his son Ishmael (A.S.), because he had placed his love upon his son instead of upon Allah, that is why he was asked to give him in sacrifice, qurban. Like that, may we never forget our love for Allah.

May we sacrifice the love we have for the dunya in our qalbs. May we sacrifice this. May we sacrifice the desires of the world. May we sacrifice the sections of the dunya. May the love in our qalbs be for Allah, and may those qalbs form an attachment to Him. May He turn you to that straight path. May you conduct your affairs in the dunya on that straight path. May you conduct your affairs in akhirah. May you search for all the things you need for your hayat, your lives. May Allah take us onto the path of love, may He take us to the straight path. May you be together in dunya, may you be together in akhirah. May you be together without ever separating in life. May God give you long lives with His grace.

Just as Allah brought Moses (A.S.) and Safüra’ (Ral.) together and made them one, may He keep you together without separation in your lives. May you stay together as one on the path of Allah’s love. May He protect you, keep you on the straight path, and give you lives of completion with His grace. Amin. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan protect both of you just as He protected Prophet David (A.S.) and Jesus (A.S.).

Just as He protected Muhammad Mustafar-Rasül (Sal.) and Khadïjah (Ral.), joined them together as one, and kept them on the straight path; just as He protected them through His du’a’u barakat, prayers for Allah’s blessings, in dunya and akhirah; just as they always searched for the good things; just as He gave them the good treasures of ïman in dunya and akhirah; just as they obtained the wealth of the mubarakat, the blessings of the three worlds, and gave that wealth to the ummat, the followers; just as Allahu ta‘ala Nayan blessed the divine Prophet, the divine Messenger, Muhammad Mustafar-Rasül (Sal.) with the Qur’an and ïman and Islam, may He give you the straight path commensurate with that. May He give you strength of faith. May He guide you to the straight path and grant you freedom, happiness, and the wealth of the mubarakat in your lives. May He bestow upon you the completion of patience, tolerance, peace, sabür, inner patience, shakür, contentment, tawakkul, trust in God, and al-hamdu lillah, all praise to God, with His grace. Amin. May He protect you as He protected the prophets: Idris, Isaac, Job, and Jacob, may the peace of God be upon them. Just as He joined Yüsuf (A.S.) and Zulaikha (Ral.) together and made them one; just as Prophet Job (A.S.) bore the suffering, and his kingdom was given back to him; just as the du‘a’u barakat was given to Solomon (A.S.) and to each prophet; just as Allah blessed, protected, and watched over them, may you stay together in your lives and may your union never be severed. May He give you everincreasing ïman and the strength of certitude so that you are able to obtain all of His rahmat and His qualities, the rahmatul-‘alamïn, the grace of all the universes, and the wealth of His divine kingdom. Just as He protected the prophets, may He protect you and watch over you with His grace. Amin.

Precious jeweled lights of my eyes, this is the dunya. In this dunya, God created Adam (A.S.) and Eve (Ral.). How much suffering they underwent through the separation caused by satan. Because of that, Adam (A.S.) and Eve (Ral.) were thrown, one to the east and the other to the west. There they began to worship Allah again on the straight path; they did du‘a’ to Allah, they focused on Allah, and through their ‘ibadat, their prayers, they were united once again. Allah united them once again, and brought them together again. We must understand this.

Precious children, jeweled lights of my eyes, now you have reached the age at which you can realize things to a certain extent. You have had a certain amount of experience in this dunya, so let us explain a few things to you. All the things we see in the dunya, the world, are the things that capture us. What we see can capture us. What the eye sees, the mind will draw in. The ears will bring about an attachment to what they hear, to those sounds.

What the nose smells will draw us in; that fragrance will pull us. Any taste, any word will pull us in and control us. The weight of the body itself is a magnet that can be pulled by the earth. There is a part of the mind that forms an attachment to the many kinds of maya, arrogance, and karma; it seeks the ability to pull us in through earth, water, air, ether, fire, and maya. Because of this, karma, sin, and evil deeds arise and attach themselves to us.

Precious children, jeweled light of my eyes, both of you must think; you must know what life is. We must know how a male child must protect a female child. The way to protect a woman is similar to the way we benefit from what we plant in the earth. We plow the earth and prepare it. We plow it, we make it ready, we level it, we clear it, and then we get flowers, trees, and fruit from it, do we not? Such coolness it brings us, the tree that grew from the earth. Such fragrance it brings us. Such fruit, such coolness, such flavor it brings us, does it not? Similarly, there is a duty that a husband must do towards the life of his wife. He must prepare her mind and level it. These are the sections that a man must care for. He must give her peace and tranquility. It is only if we make that child peaceful in her life, it is only if we display tranquility that we can experience the fruit and the benefit. Just as we observe the splendors of the earth and enjoy them, we must care for and attend to the life of a woman. The exaltedness of our lives depends on the way in which we treat our wives. Our exaltedness, our peace, and our tranquility depend on how we treat our wives. It is to the extent that a man cherishes his wife that there is exaltedness in the home, that there is love in the home, that there is light in the home, that there is light in their lives, that there is excellence in their lives, that there is happiness in their lives, that there is peace in their lives. A man must know the state of his wife’s mind and act in the manner that a man should act.

The heart of a woman is similar to a flower. It can very quickly develop a beautiful, loving fragrance. If we carefully pick it and carefully take in the fragrance, it will give us the perfume. But if we pluck it impatiently and crush it in our hands, it will give us the smell of a crushed flower. It will not give us the original fragrance. You must not crush the heart of the woman in your life. You must not crush it or squeeze it. We must touch it with care, pick it with care, and smell the fragrance with care. It is only then that it will benefit you. The heart of a woman is very delicate and tender.

A man can make his wife a demon or he can make her a fragrant [flower] with a wondrous taste. We must think of this. If a man causes his wife to convulse like a demon, that is what will make his life convulse. If he makes his wife fragrant, his life will be fragrant and exalted.

Like this, we must know many explanations in our lives. When a man takes a wife, he must have patience, sabür, shakür, tawakkul, and al-hamdu lillah. He must exhibit good qualities, good conduct, good manners, love, compassion, tenderness, and generosity. She must be treated as a wife—she might even turn to gold. If he treats her in the correct manner, she will be gold. If you keep her in the correct manner, she can be called gold. Why? She will be your undiminishing wealth. If you fail to treat her in the proper way, that is poverty. That will be poverty.

Therefore, in his life a man must know the way in which he must treat his wife. A man must think about and know the way in which he must treat her. Her heart can be destroyed very fast; it can also grow very quickly. You can quickly deceive a woman; you can very quickly make her sad. A man must understand this. He must understand this and know how to live his life; he must know how to care for her and how to lead his life.

Alright. These are the things a woman must do: a woman is like the earth. Existing just as the earth, what benefit, fa’idah, there is within it! The earth benefits good people and evil people alike. It holds so much within it. It protects anyone, good or bad. Does it not? A wife must be able to know the mind of her husband, his qualities, his actions, his conduct, his manners, his love. She must be able to know what qualities he has when he goes to work, what qualities he has when he is at home, and what qualities he has when he returns from work. “Oh! Today his face is in that state!” She has to immediately meet him and say, “Please come. Anbu, love. Sit down.”

You must soothe him with peace and observe his qualities and his face. If he is like a lion, you must be like a cow and comfort him. When he approaches, you must call to him, “Come. Come. Wash your hands. Drink some water. Let’s take off your shoes. Come, take off your coat.” You must do this, and then you can control that tiger cub. You must control him. You must soothe him and comfort him at that time. But if at that time you say, “Tiger cub!” and pick up a stick, he will leap at you like a tiger. That must be controlled by the mantra called woman. A man has much more attachment for his wife than he has towards his mother or father. He has more attachment for his wife than for his children. Because of that attachment, he will attack his wife when something happens. Why? It is the attachment that causes the anger. The attachment causes the attack.

If his boss criticizes him at work, he cannot talk back there. He keeps that anger under control on the bus or in the car, and when he comes to the wife, he will attack. He will come to his wife; he will throw his coat down, fling his shoes off, throw his umbrella on the floor, and then he might attack his wife. Oh! she thinks as she smiles to herself, it seems as if someone has done something to him. Alright. Let him come. “Come. Come. Come. Sit down.” She must embrace him and soothe him. She must not try to advise him at that time. You must realize the qualities with which he is coming; do not correct him.

There is a time for advice. Not when he is eating; the plate will get thrown at us. Do not try to advise him as he is walking in; he will throw his shoes at us. Not when he is eating, not as he is coming home. There is a right time for this. There is this thing called the pillow mantra. Wait until that time, watch his actions and then whisper the appropriate words. That is the time that things can be resolved. At any other time, the result will be the opposite. We must think.

A woman can turn a king into a beggar or a beggar into a king. If you want, you can make a learned man into a fool and a fool into a learned man. There is nothing a woman cannot do. God has placed the world into the hands of the women. God did not create anything in creation without the agency of a woman. Except for God, everything else was created through a woman. A woman has the power to nurture or destroy everything. She has the compassion, the empathy, the patience, the beauty, the attachment, the beautiful qualities, the gentle voice, and the gentle sounds. God has created women with beautiful qualities, beautiful sounds, a beautiful face, and a beautiful body. God has given you all the strength.

If you decide, you can turn birth into death and death into birth. You can turn wealth into dust or dust into wealth. You can make a king into a beggar and a beggar into a king, a learned man into a fool, a fool into a learned man. You can make a poor man into a high-ranking man or a high-ranking man into a poor man. You can do anything, in any way.

Allah is the Creator, He is the only One who can create or destroy, but you have the ability to destroy or to make a life. You have the ability to either make a life on the good path or to destroy it.

In what state should a woman be? She must have the quality of always obeying her husband. She must control him through love. She must control him through compassion. She must control him through sweetness, the sweetness of her love. She must control him with her voice. She can subdue him with patience. She can subdue him with tolerance. She can subdue him with peace.

No matter how fierce a beast he may be, you have the quality to bring everything under your control through love. It is through the beauty of your husband that that exalted beauty will come to you. If you conduct your life with your husband, if you conduct that life with love, you will be known as a virtuous man and a virtuous woman. God loves that. God loves that union. God made that union in akhirah; that is the unity that God has made into your union, and here and there has given you inseparable wealth. You must strengthen your ïman. No matter how beautiful a woman may be, she must obey her husband, respect him, and do what he tells her to do. You must always follow your husband. You must never go ahead. Why? No matter how brave you may be, if you are confronted by a dangerous animal, “Ah!” you will scream. You will not fight it. That is why you should never go in front of your husband. At a time of suffering, you will shout, “Ah!” You will not be able to confront it. No matter how emaciated he may be, if he goes in front, even if he cannot do anything else, he will use his teeth, jump on that animal, roll on the ground with it, and drive it away. Therefore, he must be the man, and you must be the woman.

A woman may be living in peace, but it is the men who first come to hold her hand. It is the men who make the first move to touch you. It is the men who first come to pull you onto the path of sin. Women grow up and live in peace with patience. A man is the first to arrive in order to take you to sin and to hell. He is the one who catches hold of you first.

He will take hold of you like that. But when suffering comes, he will say, “She used to be so beautiful, but now she is terrible. Since the day I first touched her, the devil came and caught hold of me. Since the day I touched her, the devil has not let go of me. When will I be free?” That is what he will say.

Like this, everywhere he looks, he will show his teeth, “Eeeeee,” whenever he sees a beautiful woman. When he is going down the road, he will crane his neck a little. That is the natural quality of a man. That is the monkey quality in the male, the monkey quality that is inherent in men.

But a woman, like water, must change his qualities. Just as water quenches the thirst of a thirsty man and ends his fatigue, when the man comes with these monkey qualities, even though he has been scratching here and scratching there, you must pour the water of love upon him and make him peaceful. Instead of telling him, “Change those monkey qualities!” you must do that without speaking of it. You must do it with love. For a woman of good qualities, fighting with her husband is haram, impermissible. For her voice to be heard outside the house is haram. She must speak with Allah. She must speak within herself, inside her qalb. She must speak with patience. She must speak with sabür. She must speak with beautiful qualities. That is the highest ideal. If you speak with those qualities and look at such a husband once, the minute he sees those qualities, he will bend down in shame.

You must always treat him as a husband. No matter how strong you may be, you will be with the earth, and he will be higher. Therefore, it is crucial that you respect him. You must subdue him with your qualities; you must correct him with your love; you must chain him with your words and your gaze. That is the chain. That is the chain through which you catch him and pull him. Your love is what will hold him. Your qualities will make it strong; even more than your beauty, if your love, your compassion, and your qualities catch hold of him, they will hold him tight from all four sides. He will not be able to remove that chain. Like this, a woman must show beautiful qualities to her husband. Even if he is a terrible man, the magnet that must control him, the current, and the magnetism are within you. If you use that magnet and that intelligence, the current will hold him. You must realize this in your life.

There is nothing in life that a woman cannot do. There is no need for a woman to go to court. In life, a woman will never have to separate from her husband. Separation comes about if we have bad qualities. Anger is haram; shouting is haram; impatience is haram; a quick temper is haram. The talk of “I” and “you” is haram. What is it that cannot be corrected by loving words, peaceful words, your beauty, your love, your compassion, and sabür, patience? What is it that we cannot control? What is it that we cannot subdue? You can subdue all the universes. In your life, you can subdue everything. You can bring everything under the control of your love, under your life. You must think of this.

God has given to a woman praiseworthy beauty, qualities, and peace. He controls men through women. He has controlled the male’s arrogance, the male’s strength, the male’s pride, and the male’s energies through women. Just as He has stopped the oceans with the earth, He has stopped the force of a male through the female. He has stopped it through the love that women have.

Like this, precious jeweled lights of my eyes, children, you must think. Life is the connection that exists between a man and a woman. That connection between a man and a woman must be like a flower and its fragrance. A beautiful flower—what is within it? Beauty is within it. A man must be fragrance. A man must be the fragrance commingled with that flower; a fragrance commingled with that love.

One woman for a man and one man for a woman— that is best in life. Not every woman a man looks at is his wife. That is karma; that is maya; that is sin; that is hell. A man must give up those ideas. One woman for his life is the best. One man for her life is the best. That is the greatest beauty in the family of mankind, the highest quality. To conduct your life in that state is to join in union in the dunya and also in akhirah—to be united in the dunya, to be united in the akhirah, to be united in love, to be united heart to heart. A husband must dwell in the heart of his wife. A wife must dwell in the heart of her husband. That is unity. When that form is sealed into the heart, that is the best in life.

Wherever a man and a woman are, it is not the bodily forms [that must join], it is love and love that must come together in their hearts. Compassion and compassion must join together. Patience and patience must come together. Beauty and beauty must come together. Like that, to join together in the heart, to join together in the qalb, to love each other in the qalb, to never separate from each other in the qalb is a life without separation. Please reflect on this.

The connection between a man and a woman must be in that state. And if you can conduct your life in that state, that is the life of happiness. If you are in the dunya, that is heaven; if you are living in the akhirah, that is heaven—that love, those qualities, sabür, patience, shakür, contentment, tawakkul, trust in God, and al-hamdu lillah, all praise to God.

When a husband brings wealth, the wife must say al-hamdu lillah. If poverty strikes, al-hamdu lillah. When happiness comes, al-hamdu lillah. Even if you get only water, al-hamdu lillah. It is with that [al-hamdu lillah] that everything can be made good. If you receive wealth, al-hamdu lillah, use it for good. Whatever you receive every day, al-hamdu lillah, and manage to make do. Even if there is only poverty in the house, even if there is nothing in your house, you must serve water, and the two of you must conduct your lives. Joy, sorrow, and selvam,1 riches, are fleeting. Riches keep going. Selvöm, we will go; these are things that will go. Poverty also leaves. Tangam,2 gold—tangom, we will not stay. Tarittiröm, tribulation, we will not tarry. These are all things that will go. They will come and they will go. Gold? That will go. Wealth, selvam, [will go]. Selvöm, we will go. Tarittiröm, tribulation, we will not tarry. Poverty will also go. It is also something that goes. But love is eternal. Indivisible love. Compassion is eternal. Patience is eternal, it will never perish. Our unity must be kept in an indestructible place. Do not lose that wealth. That is wealth, the wealth of akhirah.

Both of you must be commingled as one in joy and in sorrow. You must share in both and manage. This is the state in which a man and a woman must live together as a flower and its fragrance. If you can conduct your lives in that state, if both of you can be united, qalb to qalbqalb to qalb, your husband in your qalb, and you in his qalb—only if that connection exists in the qalb can your lives have a connection to happiness. You must always conduct your lives free of any taint or blemish. Hastiness is an enemy to wisdom. Impatience eats up wisdom. Anger is the guru of sin.

Love is greater than the ocean. Duty? The duty the two of you have is to know that the completion that is God’s grace is the wealth that is complete. Without failing in that duty, a man and a woman must work together. Body with body, life with life, love with love, compassion with compassion, life with life. All of these must become one; when these become one while you conduct your lives, then that will be life. If a woman and a man and we act in this manner, that life will be a life of heaven, a life of freedom, a life of happiness, a life of two commingling as one and becoming complete.

Tambi, younger brother, do you understand? This is how you must conduct your life. That life will be an exalted life. Precious children, jeweled lights of my eyes, although much suffering came to each of the prophets, they never separated from their wives, did they? How much Prophet Job (A.S.) suffered! Even when his body was covered with sores and was being eaten by worms as big as puppies, his wife ran about gathering herbs, begging, and bringing back what she gathered to her husband.

The Rasül (Sal.) and his wife Khadïjah Nayahi (Ral.) gave all their wealth to the poor, and in the end the two of them lived as miskïns, impoverished ones. Even if they had only a handful of wheat, they shared it and lived peacefully with the people. Like this, the heart is an undiminishing wealth. Love is undiminishing wealth, Allah’s love is undiminishing wealth. May you establish the undiminishing wealth of His intention on the straight path. That wealth is a complete wealth. That wealth is a beloved wealth. That is the wealth of the rahmat. That is the wealth that is the most exalted for our lives. You must know your husband’s qualities and act accordingly. You must know his actions; you must discover them. A wife must know the qualities and the actions of her husband. Conducting your life is a small thing—that is work that lasts for a second. But to know his qualities and to act accordingly is the exaltedness of life. Conducting your life is a small thing. But to know his qualities, to act accordingly, and to control him is a great thing.

The men are always at fault. They are always guilty. Their eyes run after everything they look at. They show their teeth “Eeeee!” at everything they see. Their minds run towards everything they see. They attempt to capture each thing they see. The mind of a male is a monkey. A monkey and the qualities of a male are the same.

It is like bringing up a monkey: how it jumps and leaps! The mind of a man is like that. While he is like that, if you have the appropriate qualities and place a mirror in front of that monkey, it will grab its own reflection. If you place a mirror in front of a monkey, it will look into it here, it will look into it there, it will look into it here. If it grins, the reflection will grin. If it cries, the reflection will cry. When it attempts to grab hold of what is there, nothing will come from it.

Like this, your qalb must be a mirror. It is only if you are the mirror in front of that monkey that the monkey will embrace you. Your love must be like a mirror. Then it will stare and stare and stay involved. If you do not hold up that mirror, it will continue its monkey work. Like this, a wife must have so much beauty, such good qualities, so much love, such good actions, such wisdom, such tranquility, such peace. Those are the ornaments of a woman. Those qualities are your ornaments.

How comforting the quality of the earth is. How it comforts everyone. Your qualities must be like that. That is the gold. Those qualities are the gold. If you wear that gold, those qualities will be your ornaments. Those are the ornaments that you will wear. This is your wealth. When he sees that wealth, that quality of the earth, that gold, that beauty, he will not go anywhere else, will he? Because all the wealth is there, he will stay there.

Not for one moment should you think you can get freedom through men. You will never be free. Everything a man brings you will be heavy. All the things he brings are burdens. You must be able to accept and accept and keep all the burdens he brings. This is marriage. Everything men bring is heavy. If someone has hit him, he brings you that burden. If someone has criticized him, he brings you that burden. At his job, someone else said something about him, and he brings that burden. Next is the burden of poverty. [Marriage is] all the work of accepting burdens.

Men will just bring you burdens. The burden of a child, the burden of pregnancy, the burden of the house, the burden of the family, the burden of wealth, the burden of poverty—it is all heavy.

“Look after all these burdens. Look after them,” he will say. He will bring them and put them down before you. “Look! Poverty! Look after that! A child! Look after that!” Everything is heavy. “The family! Look after it. The house! Look after it!” He will bring you all the burdens. These burdens brought by men are the only freedom in your life. This is happiness. Do not ever expect him to bring you anything else.

You must accept and accept these burdens and pile them up on top of each other. Your life is to comfort those who burden you. He will never bring anything else or anything new. It is just another burden! That is all he will bring. He will bring burdens so heavy, he cannot unload them by himself. You must give him peace. You must accept them, put them aside, and comfort him. “Are you tired? Come.” This is what you must do when he brings those things home.

Men will only bring what is heavy; do not ever think they will bring you peace. What is peace? To make him peaceful is your peace. To correct his qualities is your peace. That is peace. To unload his burdens and to make him peaceful will become your peace. That is the peace of life. Otherwise, all the things that men bring are burdens. At times they may be extremely heavy. They may be so heavy you cannot even lift them, but you must accept them peacefully, and say to him, “Please hold this a little from below. I cannot put it down by myself.” Then the two of you must hold onto it together. A woman’s life must be to unload the burdens like this. If you conduct your life in that state, your life will never become shaky. There will never be separation. There will never be differences. You will have the life of the heavenly world. Your life will be a life of constant progress. God will be with you. His grace, the help of the prophets, and God’s blessings will dwell with you. His wealth will dwell with you. Ïman will dwell with you. Sabür, inner patience, will dwell with you. Shakür, contentment, will dwell with you. Wisdom, tranquility, and gnanam, divine wisdom, will dwell with you.

You must think about this. Do not send out even one wasted breath from your mouth. Send out the useful breath of sabür; send out the breath of shakür; send out that beautiful breath; send out loving words; send out loving speech. It is through this that you can catch him with the current, that you can control that dangerous beast. Please think of this. Child? Do you understand what I have said? Yes. You must endeavor to live like this as one. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan give you that tranquility, that peace, that serenity, and the straight path. May Allah give you His qudrat, the power of His grace. Amin. In this life and in the hereafter, may He give you victory in life with His grace. May He give you a life of freedom in this dunya and in akhirah. May God protect you just as He protected the prophets. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan give you His approval and His praise through the wealth of His grace.

Fruit.3 Al-hamdu lillah.

[ A recital follows of Süratul-Fatihah, Süratul-Ikhlas (three times), Süratul-Falaq, and Suratun-Nas. Du‘a’s, prayers, are recited and then the salawat is sung. ]

May Allah help you. May Allahu ta‘ala Nayan protect you just as He protected the rasüls, the messengers. Through the barakat of Nabï Muhammad Mustafar-Rasül (Sal.) and through Allah’s kingdom of wealth, may you be given the love of Allah, the wealth of His kingdom, the three thousand blessings, His ninety-nine wilayats, beautiful names. In your lives, may you be blessed with His rahmat in completeness. May He give you long lives, very long lives, the undiminishing wealth, the wealth of the mubarakat which is Allah’s wealth of grace. May He give you material wealth and the wealth of gnanam. May He bless you with long lives free from illness, free from disease, free from poverty. May Allahu ta‘ala grant you long lives, hayat, in completeness. Amin. Amin. Amin. Ya Allah, this is Your responsibility.

M. R. Bawa Muhaiyaddeen

http://bmf.org/wisdom/marriage.html

Footnotes

1. Double meaning: selvam means wealth or riches. Selvöm means we will go.

2. Another double meaning: tangam means gold. Tangöm means we will not stay.

3. After a wedding was performed Bawa Muhaiyaddeen (Ral.) always asked that fruit and tea be given to the couple.

11 comments:

theMostlyHarmless said...

I notice a lot of posts about marriage recently :-) Khayr inshallah.

An unusual speech to come from a man. I wonder what kind of audience he had.

"Everything a man will bring to you is a burden". I often thought so myself.

Life is strange ...

Sufi said...

It really intrigued me as well. I found it thought provoking and at the same time very down to earth as well.

I will try to post on other topics as well. lol

Anonymous said...

Salam

The post is very simple and straightforward...having read most of the other posts on the same issue i would like to know the difference between Love Marriage and Arranged Marriage...with respect to their practice in islam... muslims find it quite convenient to jump at the conclusion that love marriage fails however they simply overlook the fact that arranged marriage fails also... there is no perfect statistics as per se to prove the same...

How do you know a certain restaurant gives you the best beef steak in town? That can only be judged by eating all over the town's best restaurants and then arriving at a conclusion. In arranged marriages one seems to reach the conclusion that their spouse is best for them however this is not the case...they havent tried others...

I am not making a case for arranged marriage but strongly believe that it equally fails with love marriage...

theMostlyHarmless said...

It is impossible to try all the beef available in the town. And even if, would it end with that town? There are a lot of restaurants in other towns as well.
So it is not about trying to find the "best" beef, but "a" beef you like. You don't have to compare it with others ...

In Islam the rules are simple. There are certain borders you shouldn't cross. Of course you should love the person you are going to marry.

Arranged marriages (if you mean by that the kind of marriages where family "recommends" a certain someone, because of certain qualities they saw in him/her and think that s/he is suitable for your character) have the advantage of providing a safe environment for the couple to get know each other better. They are aware of the intention, that is marriage, and can talk about their views of life, etc. And if mutual love and more importantly mutual respect evolves they agree to a marriage.

Anonymous said...

Salam

Okay... let me put it another way... what i said was that for you to claim that a certain steak is the best in town indirectly implies that you must have a taste of at least some of the other good outlets to make a comparison...

Plus how do you know a person is really the best for you... i mean there might be hundred other better options out there but maybe you did not put in the effort to find them...what happens if a friend shows up with a better spouse in all respects... how about that?

I think that while Islam does create boundaries under which the matrimony takes place...the institution of marriage itself is wobbly and a great compromise...it circumvents the freedom of man (no i am not talking about sex) and obviously restricts the man to a certain human being which that man thinks is best for him...

With respect to family recommendations...i think that it is a big failure on part of the person to not be able to chose a spouse for oneself and then forcefully develop love with the other person because he or she "has to".... its just like the rat and the cheese... once in the maze the rat can only find the cheese that has been put for it at the other side...he cannot think of any other cheese...

I think that arranged and forced marriages are as big a flop as anything and are equal in failure to love marriage... just for reference

http://fatimahn.wordpress.com/category/wedding/

The lady thinks that she is a 100% success yet she doesnt know what her husband does while he is away from home...yet she finds some 5 other brides at the wedding saying yes forcefully...

in arranged marriages women are forced to say yes even if they want to say no...because if they say no their whole family status will be jeopardized... its just like your boss saying...can you do this for me personally after office hours... you have a weekend night to catch with your friends but you say yes because he is ur boss...i dont think so there is an even yardstick provided by islam or for that matter any other religion or culture...its just a simple compromise of one's feeling by going for arranged marriage...

People in the arranged marriage have physical relationship the first night because they have to... because it is part of the marriage and NOT because they love each other...

If islam is perfect then it is not made for human beings...and if the human beings are not perfect they cannot acquire the 100% perfect Islam...and if we do believe that Islam is perfect it has never resulted in perfect human beings...so either of the two is flawed and cannot be joined...please dont pull prophets into this argument...anyone from us could have been a prophet... it is just their luck that they were born with that taqdeer while we were not...

Thanks

theMostlyHarmless said...

Pardon me if I was unable to convey my thought. I said that we can never find the "best". I mean we can never be sure of that s/he is the best. Here we agree, I think, right?

Talking of arranged marriages. I don't know how you define them, but in our culture (Turkey) it goes like this: the family of the boy comes to the family of the girl, and asks for her hand. Afterwards, if the family of the girl agrees, and most importantly, if the girl agrees, they meet, with at least one person from the family being around, and talk. After all of these they either agree to a marriage or not.
The girl's decision cannot be forced here. One of the first things Islam did forbid was forced marriages. Remember!

In every human relationship there is a 50/50 chance for success or failure. Depending on the kind of relationship, people try to guarantee success by taking certain steps. In financial relationships they have contracts, and securities, etc.
In Islam there is a whole set of rules to secure the rights of both sides in a marriage relationship.

I don't try to say that arranged marriages have a better success rate, or something. I don't know. The only thing I know is that I would feel more confident about Allah helping me with my marriage if I would respect His rules before and after the marriage.

It is Allah who puts love (muhabbat) into the hearts, after all. It is Him who created us and knows our ways/feelings/fears/etc. best. I trust Him if He thinks that Islam is the best way to live our lives.

Regarding the perfectness of human nature:

Quran, At-Tin 95/2 and 95/3:
2 -Verily, We create man in the best conformation;
3 -and thereafter We reduce him to the lowest of low

Allah created us "in the best conformation". It is our deeds that make us imperfect and can reduce us to "the lowest of low".

Anonymous said...

thanks for putting up with me and deleting my comments...it is atypical of the muslims all over the world...with their history and their traditions...

thanks anyway

Anonymous said...

i am having problems posting on this forum... but lets just say that from your comments it looks like that marriage is more of transaction...isnt it? its a business deal which so to speak does involve parties, contract, security just like a business contract...

How can the female say "yes" when she does not know the person properly...and is it love that makes her say "yes"...is it developed so quickly... that is what i was saying...the female will be always under a chaperone...under pressure no matter what...

You never gave an answer to my comment regarding islam and its 100% application to muslims... no one can be a 100% perfect muslim... then how come a perfect thing can be applied to an imperfect thing... ???


My personal experienced suggests that marriage is more of an institutionalized sexual relationship... tell me... in the love marriages where did all the love come from before the nikah... lets talk about dates, movies, night outs etc. etc. and after that marriage... but in arranged marriages the girl has only one guy to go after whome her parents have tied her with... even before marriage she likes the guy just because she has NO other option in her mind...but its a circular argument...if islam were that perfect it wouldnt have created the world's most worse people known as Muslims

Sufi said...

There is nothing that has been deleted for your kind information.

I think you are really misinformed about how marriages work in Islamic culture.

From statistics alone, I wonder where the divorce rates are higher? From my personal experience, I have experienced both sides. I was in love before marriage and it didn't work out.

No matter what you try, you just don't know the person until you live with them day in and day out. When you really share the problems and not just put up a front.

Anyone can put a front while dating. If this worked out so well, then I doubt there would be any breakups, rebounds, or just typical sexual frustation observed in the society these days.

I think theharmlessone can possible provide a better articulated response. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the late response. I'm a little busy lately.

I think when posting a question, one first has to make his/her intention clear to him/herself.
Am I asking to get information, or am I asking to prove my point? should be the question one asks him/herself.

There is a great quote from Imam Al-Shafi'i about this:
"Never do I argue with a desire to hear him say what is wrong, or to expose him and win victory over him. Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray - O Lord, help him so the truth may flow from his heart and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may follow me; and if truth be on his side, I may follow him".

But people may regard this quote as useless or wrong or just bad ... because he was a Muslim and hence one of the people you described as "the world's most worse people known as Muslims".

This is a harsh and powerful statement, because to conclude that some people are the "worst" of mankind you have to first encounter "all" of the people, right? Just to be able to make a comparison (i.e. again the beef example)

Why am I writing about these things? It is because from your responses I conclude that you are ignoring some parts of my posts ... I did comment on your comment regarding the perfectness of Islam. Your question is from a logical point of view incoherent, because the fact that human beings are not perfect does not imply that the religion for them can't be perfect. Islam claims that it is the perfect religion to fit human beings if they want to live a happy life here and in the next.

But anyway ... we have to first make clear what the question is. Are we talking about proper man-woman relationships in Islam or are we talking about the truthfulness of Islam itself? Because if the answer to the latter is not clear in our hearts, then it is pointless to discuss about the details (marriage etc.).

Muslims who don't prioritise according to Islam will sooner or later fall back to unlawful customs and will put their own desires and ways forward. That is why we are facing such unjust traditions in Muslim countries where the state's laws do not interfere, such as forced marriages etc. From what I understand, in your country, arranged marriages are also some kind of forced marriages, am I right?

p.s.: I read a few recommendations about the Islamic marriage book by Hedaya Hartford. You may read that one to get a clearer picture on the issue.

theMostlyHarmless said...

sorry .. my nickname did not appear in the last entry. it is mine though.