Would you Marry yourself?
By Muhammad Shaheen
By Muhammad Shaheen
One of the first things that most people think about when preparing for or thinking about marriage, are the characteristics or qualities of the person they would like to marry. Some people think about how they want their potential husband or wife to look - perhaps they think about such things as hair and skin color. Some men may look for a wife who is an excellent cook, and some women may look for a husband who is very religious.
Nonetheless, most people, Muslims included, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or expect from their potential husband or wife. And while this is good and perhaps a very necessary part of the marriage search, few people ever sit down, and with the same purposefulness and care, enumerate their own qualities and characteristics or think about whether they, themselves, are the kind of people that someone else with just as high expectations or ideals would want to marry.
Think outside of yourself for a moment: If you were someone else, would you marry you? I don't mean you, as you would like to see yourself weeks, months or even years from now. Nor do I mean you as you imagine yourself after you have had a chance to change a few of your bad habits, improve your character, fix yourself up, or you after you begin to practice your religion more seriously. I mean you, as you are TODAY.
I believe that if some people were to be completely honest with themselves, they would have to admit that they, themselves, do not possess the kind of qualities or characteristics they would want in a husband or wife.
Perhaps we all know of someone like this - possibly a relative, a best friend or maybe this person is YOU. For two people who are experienced at it, marriage, at best, can be difficult. It requires patience, diplomacy, perseverance, flexibility, wisdom, and endurance, just to name a few things.
Does this mean that if someone does not possess ALL of these qualities they should not get married? No, I don't mean to say this. However, there are people that I have come across that are in a desperate race to get married; while at the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness,stubbornness, inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude. They are overly critical of other people while at the same time they have difficulty accepting criticism of themselves. And they have poor communication skills. On top of all of that, they may be in denial and won't face up to the fact that they have a *few* personality defects to iron out before getting married.
Do any of these characteristics describe you or someone you know that is looking for a wife or a husband? Has anyone ever told YOU that you possess any of these characteristics?